Torn
by dawneh
Summary: John Paul has finally found a man who will love him back in Spike... but then Craig has something to say that turns John Paul's world and his heart upside down
1. Chapter 1

Craig didn't actually KNOW what he was going to say when he arrived at the McQueen's house. He'd thought about it as he walked around the village for two hours. He'd thought about it as he made his way over to the house. He'd thought about it as he walked up to the front door and raised his hand to knock. But no matter how hard or how long he thought the words eluded him. He didn't know WHAT to say, he just knew that SOMETHING had to be said.

Craig licked his lips nervously as the door opened, forcing a smile in response to the grin from John Paul that greeted him.

"Craig!" John Paul sounded pleased to see him, "I wasn't expecting you."

A sudden thought occurred to Craig and he craned his neck to peer past John Paul into the house.

"Spike's not here is he?"

"Nah," John Paul's smiled faded, "He's working. Why?"

"No reason, just didn't wanna, you know, get in the way or anything."

John Paul chuckled as he stepped back to let Craig inside.

"Nope, just me," he assured Craig, "In fact I was thinking of calling you to see if you wanted to do something."

"Saved you the bother then!"

"Yeah, want a cuppa?"

Craig nodded at John Paul's offer before slumping down into the armchair.

A few minutes later John Paul returned with two steaming mugs, handing one to Craig, before seating himself on the sofa.

"So… how's things?"

"Oh you know…" Craig shrugged in a non-committal way. He took a sip of tea, wincing as it scolded the tip of his tongue.

"Careful, that'll be hot," John Paul laughed. Craig smiled in reply, a forced smile that didn't make it all the way to his eyes giving him a haunted look.

"Everything alright Craig?" John Paul put down his drink, leaning forwards with a look of concern on his face, "You don't seem yourself."

"It's just…" Craig took a deep breath; this was IT, the moment and the reason he was here. This was the second when the words would flow easily and he would just know what to say. But they didn't and he didn't. "I needed to… I wanted to… I've been… oh shit!"

Craig placed his cup on the floor. Unable to meet John Paul's gaze he stared instead at his hands as they fidgeted nervously in his lap.

"Please Craig, what is it?" John Paul leaned further forward, worry evident in his voice. He reached out a hand touching it lightly on Craig's knee. Craig jumped at the touch as if he's been stung.

"I… I can't tell you," Craig sighed regretfully, "You don't want to know. Please… just forget it."

Craig was suddenly overcome with a feeling of déjà vu. Only a few months ago he'd held on to John Paul, forcing him to tell the secret he had been hiding. How things had changed since then. John Paul had finally found peace and Craig realised that he had no right to interfere with that, no matter how he felt.

John Paul, however, could tell that his friend was in pain and he had no intention of letting the matter drop. He sank to his knees in front of Craig, his voice a soft gentle whisper.

"Please Craig, talk to me, you've got me worried now. Is it Sarah? Your mum? Jake? What?"

"Really John Paul, it's better if you just leave it." Craig could feel the tears prickling behind his eyes threatening to escape at any moment; he swallowed hard, taking a deep breath to force them back.

Without thinking John Paul reached out to hold onto Craig's hands. They were shaking in his grasp.

"Craig, we're friends aren't we? Maybe I can help."

Craig made the mistake of looking into John Paul's eyes. Two soft blue pools that were filled with concern. The sight of them broke down the last of Craig's defences as the unwelcome tears escaped and began to tumble down his cheeks.

Craig pulled his hands from John Paul's grip wiping away the tears with embarrassment.

"Craig… please," John Paul's tone was pained, the sight of his friend in such distress was tearing at his heart, "Just tell me."

Craig nodded, wiping the last of the tears away. Perhaps it was better that he let John Paul know; maybe some good could come of it. But still the words escaped him.

"John Paul… I…"

It was then that Craig realised he could explain things far easier without the use of words.

Taking John Paul's face in his hands Craig leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss against his lips. The two friends were motionless for a moment, their faces almost touching and the softness of their breath mingling together between them.

Craig's hands slid around the back of John Paul's neck pulling him close. Their lips met again sparking a memory of an earlier kiss they had shared but Craig had run away from. This time Craig had no desire to let go, his lips parting as John Paul's tongue swirled against his. He could feel John Paul's fingers digging into his thighs as the intensity of their kiss deepened.

Then, without warning, John Paul broke off the kiss quickly putting some distance between him and Craig.

"No," John Paul's voice shook with a mixture of desire and confusion, "You don't get to do this, not now. You've messed with my head enough; you don't get to do it again."

Craig buried his face in his hands his voice muffled through his fingers, "I'm sorry... I just..."

John Paul got to his feet; turning his back on Craig he ran his fingers through his hair.

"You've no right... not now... it's too late."

"I know... I'm sorry..."

John Paul spun around to face his friend his blue eyes flashing with cold anger.

"Why now?" he demanded to know, "After everything. Why wait until I'm finally moving on? Why wait until I'm with Spike?"

Craig shook his head, "I didn't know. Not before. It wasn't until I saw you with Spike that I..."

"That you what?" John Paul snapped, "That you thought you'd get inside my head again? That you didn't want to see me happy?"

"No," Craig's voice was hollow, "I didn't know that I was.. how I was going to feel..." Craig paused for a moment. "I was jealous, alright? I was jealous." His voice shook with the tears that threatened to spring from his eyes again. "I was jealous," he repeated this time his voice barely more than a whisper.

John Paul stood speechless for a moment, the irony of the situation making him want to laugh out loud, "Now you know how it feels," he said.

As he spoke John Paul could remember all of the times he had watched Craig with Sarah. He remembered the agony of seeing the person he loved kiss someone else, the torment of wanting somebody so much that being apart from them for even a second was like a physical pain, and the torture of being with them only to have to watch them holding someone else. He could remember the jealousy he had felt only too well because, if he was being honest with himself, he still felt it whenever he was near Craig and Sarah. Despite the wonderful presence of Spike in his life John Paul's feelings for Craig were too real and to strong to have been so easily erased.

John Paul's head seemed to be spinning. Torn between the desire for Craig he had held close to his heart for so long, and the newly discovered joy of having someone in his life that he was allowed to love, that he didn't have to hide.

"I'm really sorry."

John Paul jumped as Craig spoke; he had been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't heard Craig approach.

"I'll go… I should never have… I'm sorry."

Craig reached to open the front door but he was prevented as John Paul grabbed his shoulders slamming his back forcefully against the hard wood.

"I don't want you to go," John Paul breathed his voice heavy with confusion. "I don't want you to go… Just tell me this is what you really want."

"It is," Craig promised covering the hands that were holding his shoulders tightly with his own, "It really is."

John Paul took a moment to look deeply into Craig's soft brown eyes feeling for a moment that he was seeing into his friend for the first time. He could see the sincerity in Craig's words reflected in those dark mysterious orbs.

"You pick your moments!" John Paul smiled before leaning in to Craig and taking possession of the beautiful mouth that he had wanted for so long.


	2. Chapter 2

Craig's hands slipped around John Paul's waist pulling him in close, the mouth pressed against his was so hot with desire that it made his head spin. Why had he fought this for so long? Why had he let himself get so close to losing John Paul before he could finally admit how he felt?

John Paul couldn't quite believe that Craig was here in his arms, kissing him, holding him, wanting him. It was something he had dreamt of so many times but never dared to hope, even now a part of him was afraid that Craig would stop him at any moment, that he would walk away and leave John Paul broken again.

But leaving was the furthest thing from Craig's mind. Any coherent thought seemed impossible as John Paul's tongue brushed lightly across his lips gently easing its way inside, into the welcoming warmth of Craig's mouth.

John Paul's hands slid down from the shoulders he had been gripping, caressing their way along Craig's arms before sliding around his back, pulling that exquisite body tight against his. He could feel the first stirrings of Craig's arousal pressing against him through his jeans tantalisingly close to his own.

Once again uncertainty and doubt crept into John Paul's mind and he reluctantly broke away from the increasing heat of the kiss he was sharing, standing back flushed and breathless to look deep into those beautiful eyes that looked back at him questioningly.

"You're sure about this Craig?" John Paul reached for his friend's hands and gripped them tightly. "Really sure?"

Craig smiled. He hadn't been sure it was true. Not when he made his way over to the house, not when he knocked on the door and not even when he was trying to explain how he felt. He had been confused, he'd been jealous; he'd been a million emotions that he had no words for. But never sure. Not until John Paul had stopped him from leaving. Not until he had felt the soft urgency of John Paul's lips against his. Now Craig was sure. This was what he wanted, WHO he wanted.

"I'm sure." Craig's voice was low, barely more than a whisper, but the time for talking had passed. Squeezing the hands that were still holding his Craig moved away from the door and headed towards the staircase, leading John Paul behind him. "I'm sure."

John Paul stood as if in a trance. Had his room always been this big, this bright? Or maybe it was just the touch of Craig's hands as the travelled under the hem of his jumper, connecting with the warm flesh beneath, that were causing his senses to be so heightened.

With a single motion Craig gripped the jumper, pulling it swiftly over John Paul's head, allowing the garment to fall discarded to the floor.

The feel of Craig's mouth as it planted soft kisses against his bare chest brought John Paul back to the moment and he eagerly pulled at the buttons on Craig's shirt quickly pushing it from his shoulders, sending it to join his jumper on the carpet.

John Paul's mouth sought the taste of Craig's once more as his hands quickly tore at the infuriating buttons of Craig's jeans.

John Paul's hand finally made it's way into Craig's jeans, his fingers reaching for the silky erection found there, curling around to grip Craig gently but firmly.

Craig's fingertips dug into John Paul's flesh as his knees buckled at his friends touch, John Paul smiled with some satisfaction at the realisation of the effect his touch was having.

Certain that his legs wouldn't hold him upright for long if John Paul continued with that beautiful caress Craig pulled away from the kiss nodding across the room.

"Bed," he breathed.

John Paul nodded in return reluctantly letting go of the hot flesh in his grip he moved toward the bed, discarding the rest of his clothes as he went, an action quickly mirrored by Craig.

Lying naked in the bed with Craig felt so right. Sex with Hannah had been so clumsy, so uncomfortable. This was why, this was always who should have been in the bed next to John Paul and as he pulled Craig against him again he knew that this was what love felt like.

The brush of Craig's fingertips across John Paul's bare back sent shock waves through his flesh, the soft lips that parted against his tasted sweeter than anything he had ever known.

Once again John Paul curled his fingers around heat of Craig's erection enjoying the soft whimper that escaped from Craig's mouth as he slowly caressed the solid flesh.

Craig's fingers clawed at John Paul's back his body already trembling at such an overpowering touch.

John Paul let go of his grip on Craig for a second as he moved his body closer. The heat of Craig's flesh made John Paul's head swim, the scent of his skin made his senses reel. This was all he had ever dreamed, and yet more, so much more.

Craig moaned softly as he felt John Paul's fingers begin wrap around him once more, a moan that grew a little louder as he realised that John Paul was not only circling his fingers around Craig's erection but his own as well, pressing them together with a strong sensuous stroke.

Craig held on to John Paul tightly, deepening their kiss as John Paul's hand continued it's erotic task, gripping tighter, moving faster and bringing them both ever closer to the moment of release.

John Paul felt Craig's body begin to tremble against him, the moans deep in his throat growing louder and more frequent. John Paul held on ever tighter to the pulsing erections in his hand increasing the speed of his strokes in response to the reactions from Craig.

It wasn't long before Craig buried his head in John Paul's shoulder crying out as his entire body shook with pleasure, his heat spilling over John Paul's hand and onto his own erection, a sensation that in turn pushed John Paul over the edge making him call out Craig's name as his climax tore through his shaking body.

They lay quietly for some time listening to nothing but the sounds of their breaths and the beating of their hearts. Their heads were leant in towards each other, resting together, fingers entwined in a gentle, comfortable embrace.

John Paul jumped as the peace of the room was shattered by his mobile phone announcing the arrival of a text message.

With a sigh he leaned over the edge of the bed to reach for the trousers he had discarded earlier, fishing in the pocket John Paul pulled out his mobile. His eyes widened at the name on the display, he'd forgotten… how had he forgotten.

"Shit!" John Paul sat bolt upright as he read the text message.

"What is it?" Craig laid a worried hand on John Paul's shoulder.

John Paul's eyes were still wide as he turned to face Craig.

"Spike," he whispered, "He's finished work… he's on his way over." John Paul paused to look at the time. "He'll be here any minute!"

If Spike noticed that John Paul looked a little hot, a little flustered as he opened the door he never said anything. Instead he smiled and leaned forward to give his boyfriend a peck on the cheek before stepping inside.

Once inside the house Spike spotted Craig on the chair, his smile faltered for a second before returning to his face.

"Craig! Didn't know you were here!" He said as he threw himself down on the sofa.

"Yeah," Craig felt himself squirm under Spike's steady gaze he was certain that he had guilt written all over his face, "Just popped round… you know… to catch up and stuff…"

"Right… good."

John Paul's eyes darted between Craig and Spike; from the man he loved to the man he was dating and back again. He felt his unease build with every second.

"Anyway," Craig rose from his seat, "I should really be going."

"Don't leave on my account," Spike assured him despite being please to see him go.

"No really, I've errr… gotta be somewhere."

Craig nodded his goodbye to Spike and made for the front door followed closely by John Paul.

"I'm sorry," John Paul whispered so low that Craig could barely hear him. He reached for Craig's hand squeezing it tightly, every fibre of his being desperate to taste that soft mouth again before the door had to close.

Craig managed a half smile, he understood the difficult position John Paul was in and he knew that he had to give his friend time to make things right, but he didn't have to like it.

"Tell him," Craig mouthed silently, John Paul just nodded.

"I'll speak to you later," John Paul said in a normal voice reluctantly letting go of Craig's hand and watching him walk away before closing the door.

"Tea?"

Spike looked up at the question.

"No thanks… come here and sit with me, I've missed you tonight."

John Paul joined Spike on the sofa, the smile on his face feeling forced and faked.

Spike stroked the softness of John Paul's face with his fingertips, looking deeply into those gentle blue eyes before leaning forward to claim the kiss he had been dreaming of all night.

Without realising what he was doing John Paul found himself responding to Spike's kiss, his lips parted at the first brush of Spike's tongue and his hands slid around the back of Spike's neck pulling him even closer.

John Paul's heart began to race as he felt Spike's hands begin to move along his thighs ever higher kneading the flesh as they went the heat of their kiss growing with each passing second.

From nowhere an image of Craig leaped into John Paul's mind, smiling at him, trusting him.

John Paul quickly pulled away from Spike retreating to the other end of the sofa breathless and apologetic.

"I'm sorry Spike… I can't…"

Spike's smile was one of understanding.

"It's alright… really."

"No... it's not… you don't understand."

John Paul ran his hands through his hair uneasily as he struggled for the words. Spike had made such an impact in John Paul's life. With his confidence and his love he had shown John Paul who he was, who he could be. But more than that he had show John Paul that he could love, and be loved in return. So how did he now tell this wonderful man how easily he had betrayed him?

"It's Craig isn't it?"

Spike's question took John Paul completely by surprise, he felt his lips move but he couldn't find the words to accompany them.

This time Spike's smile was tinged with sadness.

"It's always been Craig," Spike said, "I knew that, right from the start. I just didn't know that HE would realise it so quickly, I thought that I'd get to keep you a little longer."

"I'm so sorry," John Paul felt tears of regret and guilt begin to prick at his eyes, "I never meant to…"

"I know," Spike rose to his feet, "I should go."

John Paul followed Spike to the door. He should say something, anything, but he didn't know what.

Before he opened the door Spike turned back to John Paul, he rested his hand against that soft cheek and pressed his lips against John Paul's one last time.

"Be happy John Paul," he said, "You deserve it."

With that Spike left the McQueen's house and never paused to look back.

John Paul stood with his head leaning against the cool wood of the door, a single tear falling down the cheek where Spike's hand had been, as a feeling of sorrow and guilt washed over him.

A vibrating tune in his pocket alerted John Paul of another text message.

Pulling the phone from his pocket John Paul pressed "read".

"I love you," the text message said, "call me soon. Craig xxx."

John Paul smiled.

He knew that everything was going to be alright.


End file.
